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| I think I'm learning....maybe? |
| 02.29.04 (11:37 am) [edit] |
Oh the updates….let’s see…Psycho who sleeps with my picture guy called and left me a love song voice mail. EEK! But that was a couple days ago and no call since so he only ranks as a mini-stalker. Hope he’s found someone else to obsess over by now. Damn psychos.
Chromegirl’s birthday was Friday, we had a lil get together at my house. That was very fun. T1 and his kids were there, my friend….oh wait he needs a name on here…I’ll call him DenialBoy, DB for short, was there. And of course myself and Chromegirl. I haven’t seen DB in years, I’m glad he came to visit. There are some issues there, but I don’t even want to get into that just yet. Let’s just sum it up to say we’ve taken turns having feelings for each other for the past ten years or so and he’s there again, but I refuse to go there again, friends is just it for us.
Now, T1 on the other hand, I am developing a decided interest in him. I’m not in love with him yet or anything but I think it really wouldn’t be hard to fall for him completely. He’s great, his kids are great and he is just everything I am looking for in someone. I’m in no rush though. Signing myself off of those stupid online dating sites. I can’t deal with idiotic men and there are just way too many of them. I would love very much to go on a real live date sometime and maybe I will, but I’m just going to mellow and relax and enjoy whatever comes right now. I’ve known for a while now that T1 was the guy I was really interested in and was trying to find something else because I thought (and still wonder if) I screwed things up already and ruined any dating chances with him. I guess we’ll just have to see and if all we end up is friends, I can take that, he’s just great all around
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| psycho magnet |
| 02.25.04 (1:55 pm) [edit] |
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Well, I’ve figured out my issue with my date on Thursday. It wasn’t me freaking out….the guy is a psycho and some part of me must have picked up on that. Thanks to him for clarifying his insaneness. Who wants to know how he did that? Ok, I’ll tell you since I can see you are just dying to know. We were having a nice, friendly phone conversation, all normal and blah blah blah, then at the end of it he tells me he had printed my picture out and is sleeping with it. Uh, ok what am I supposed to say to THAT????!!!!! So, today I sent him an email canceling our date and informing him he was just a little more interested in me than I am comfortable with and I don’t think even going out as friends would really be a good idea. Not subtle, not exactly nice, but not mean and I did not want to leave any doubts about where I stood on things. He emailed back and all he said was “I’m sorry you feel that way.” I so hope that is the end of it. I’ve only been talking to him for a week so hopefully he didn’t get too obsessed in that amount of time? Please? Why me? Do I have a sign on my head that says “I like psychos” ? There has to be normal men out there somewhere. Right? I suppose it’s all good though. One, I’ve learned my psycho radar is functioning and alert. Two, I’ve learned when I have a bad feeling, trust it. Three, I am over feeling obligated to people who do not deserve it. His self-esteem is not my problem, I do not have to be nice to people who freak me out. I have regained my confidence and am in that good place I thought I was. So, ok I attracted a freak, not the end of the world and good things did come out of it.
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| GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR |
| 02.24.04 (4:44 pm) [edit] |
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Ok, the guy I'm supposed to go on a date with is really starting to get on my nerves. Besides emailing two to three times a day and calling way too much, he just called...to let me know he was going to call me later. MORON! Don't call to tell me you are going to call me...just call me later. MORON, MORON, MORON. GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR
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| What am I thinking??? |
| 02.24.04 (4:12 pm) [edit] |
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This is so not turning out to be a good week. For one reason it’s that wonderful time of the month and that always puts me in an oh so peachy mood. For another I’m stressed about the date, to the point I’m considering canceling. So, I ask my aunt and uncle and cousins in the area if anyone is available to babysit, at my house because it’s a school night that I’ll be going out to dinner. They respond with a “sure we can babysit…at our house.” Now, they are all married so there are two in each house, there is one single cousin who lives with his parents, I only live a mile away and only need a babysitter for 2, maybe 3 hours. Why is it that my kids will have to stay up past their bedtime just so I can go out once? I rarely ever ask them to babysit for me. They have promised time and again to help me out and be there for me and have failed to do that in so many ways. Is it really so much to ask for them to step out of their house to babysit a mile away so my kids can get to bed on time? I guess I’m just not supposed to go out during the week. Silly me trying to have a life. I offered to pay, I offered to return babysitting favors etc but nooooo, it has to be their way or no way. I think I’m just not going to go. Might end up that way anyway because chromegirl was in a car accident today…she’s ok and so is her son who was in the car thank goodness!!!! But the car is totaled and she’s not sure if she’ll even have a car to drive. I think it’s all just a good sign that now is not the time for me to start dating again. I wonder if I can put my online dating service on hold for a while without being charged. I’m just not ready for this. I know I should just relax and go out and have fun but I’m really afraid of ending up in a relationship like my past ones. I know I’m not the same person I was when I entered those relationships. I’ve taken the time, identified the problems within myself and feel I’ve really moved beyond the issues I had that led me into the negative relationships, but what if I’m wrong? It’s all good in theory, I’m just not sure I’m ready to put the theory to the test yet. Now what? How do I gracefully extricate myself from the dating scene? How do I let my date know that I’m just not ready yet? He’s made it very obvious he is very interested in me and that’s part of the problem, I feel he’s a little overly interested too early on. Maybe it’s just him, maybe I would feel more comfortable with someone else. Maybe I shouldn’t give up just yet. UGH! I just don’t know. I used to be a person who knew what she wanted and went out and got it. When did I become so confused and cautious? I thought I had it all figured out, I felt confident in myself, what I wanted, where I was emotionally and in life, knew where I was headed. Why is it I am doubting myself so much just now? Any ideas? Thoughts? Advice? :?:
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| First date - PANIC |
| 02.23.04 (12:43 pm) [edit] |
And the world dissolves into panic. I have a date. Chromegirl has a date….What are we thinking???? Any idea how long it’s been since I’ve been on a real date? Ages, centuries, millenia…ok maybe not that long but it feels that way. I am panicking here. What do I wear? (Ok, that was girly but give me a break I am female) Will I like him, what if it goes terrible, what if….etc etc etc. Am I even ready to date? Is the panic a sign that I’m not ready? Or is it just the natural nervousness of the first date? Oh hell, I have no idea. The last time I went on a date with a guy I had just met was oh, ten years ago. I wasn’t even legal drinking age then. Is dating even the same? What rules apply here? I know I have to date again unless I want to end up old and alone but ugh dating bites. Panic, panic, panic. And this guy seems so sweet and caring and all of that, I am so not ready for this. But I am, but I’m not…oh yeah this is just great, I’m a nervous wreck. I will chill out, I’m sure but I have to vent the panic. It’s safe, we’re meeting them there, doing the double date thing. This is not worthy of such panic, is it? Hmmmm, is old and alone so bad? Ok, yes, not what I want to do, so it’s time to dive back into the dating pool with all the fishies and sharks. Sink or swim time here. Let’s hope I remember how to swim and avoid the sharks. Yipe! Wish me luck…any advice?
~hahahachick
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| Just an Update |
| 02.18.04 (6:31 am) [edit] |
Ok, slacking on blog updates again. I’ve decided not to introduce psychoboy as he is out of my life and I’ve wasted enough time on him as it is, why waste blog time on him too?
The quick summary on T1 and T2…well, T1 is becoming a good friend slowly and T2 is missing in action right now. Haven’t heard from him in a week and I feel it’s kind of fading into a non-issue. I’m sure if I hear from him or see him again there will be some feelings to figure out, whatever they are, but I’m feeling way too old to stress about it or think about it or even try to work on it. I’m not about to work towards any relationship right now as I am not really sure what it is I want out of one yet.
Chromegirl and THGM had it out this weekend. That was a mess. I ended up stepping into it to try and smooth things over. Luckily I think that worked and they may be able to patch up their differences. I think as long as they take their time to rebuild the friendship they had it will all be good. I am so not the get in the middle type usually but it was really hard to see two people who care about each other so much hurt so much because they were fighting. I may have to change THGM in to just GM, but that is too deep an issue to even think about blogging.
Chromegirl and I have joined an online dating service, more to just meet people than in the hopes of finding that special someone. So far it has gone pretty well. A number of initial emails exchanged with some potential for some friendships. Some blog material in the form of a top ten things not to do on an online dating web site will be forthcoming…and this list will actually have ten and it may be tough to narrow it down to just ten.
Things seemed to have mellowed in life recently. Getting psychoboy out just has made me feel way more relaxed in general. Things with Chromegirl and GM hit their bad peak and are hopefully leveling out. T1 has assumed the role of email friend including talking about feelings and offering advice. T2 has vanished, although I’m sure will resurface when I least need the distraction. And I have at least a beginning of a social life in the form of meeting people online with the potential of in person down the road. Could this be the calm before the storm? Or is it the calm after the storm? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
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| Top Ten (well, 7) Ways to Become a Statistic |
| 02.11.04 (1:33 pm) [edit] |
Top Ten Ways to Become a Statistic-
(The type that everyone says “oh how sad” to but won’t do a damn thing about.)
Ok, I can only come up with 7 without repeating, feel free to offer suggestions, I hate having an incomplete top ten list.
7. Be poor – you just didn’t work hard enough or something
6. Be the hermit of the neighborhood and die alone – people love to pretend they couldn’t have done anything
5. Be a victim of a crime, any crime – everyone can pretend it will never happen to them
4. Live in a bad neighborhood with your kids – you and the kids deserve it anyway, so many bad choices (read with a lot of bitterness)
3. Get divorced or be a single parent – stupid you eh?
2. Endure a lifetime of abuse and turn to the same sex for a relationship (and no, I’m not saying that is the reason for homosexuality, just saying it happens)
1. Stand up to a clinically insane and abusive ex – especially one who no one believes will ever [i][b]really[/b][/i] hurt you or your kids.
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| Ugh |
| 02.09.04 (5:23 pm) [edit] |
Well before I fill ya’ll in on Chromegirl, I’ve got a lil more rambling to do.
My vindictive, uncaring side being spent…I now feel bad about things. I allowed T2 to walk into what I knew would end up an uncomfortable situation for him and did nothing to make it easier on him in the least. So now I’m going to call and apologize and give the whole “things can’t go on like this” speech. I really hate these things because they are way to close to admitting to emotions. But I think we’re either on the verge of hitting that “magic number” where sex ceases to be just sex and becomes a relationship or on the verge of losing all respect and friendship potential with each other. I’d really prefer neither of those happen. I think I’m screwed one way or another in this one…and not literally anymore. Wonderful. Just freaking wonderful.
Oh not only do we have Chromegirl updates to come…we have the introduction of PsychoBoy to do. Lots of fun stories there.
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| News Flash |
| 02.08.04 (10:56 am) [edit] |
Oh, it is time for a story line update. I would like to start with yet another…OOPS! Hmmm, I think oops is not the right word anymore. Once, oops, twice, oops, three times is pushing oops…but four…face it, self, it is no longer oops. Not sure what the right word is though. Especially for this one. So, my sister is in town with her husband and baby and sleeping in my room while I’m camped out in the spare room in the basement. My kids are sound asleep upstairs and the phone rings at 2:30 in the morning. Bar closed. Sure, Thing2 you can sneak in my back door so as not to wake someone. Ten minutes after he’s inside it’s so on. Not really any oops to that is there? And it so didn’t help sis was up feeding the baby and got to meet him. Does not help that everyone in the house was up in the morning before me. Except T2, who decided sleeping til almost noon was an acceptable way to avoid the embarrassment of walking out of my house in front of my kids and my sis and family. I mean we all know why he was there. He’s never met the kids or the family, what’s a guy to do? Sleep as long as possible and hope to just vanish into thin air somehow.
Now, you all can think what you want. I am human and am so needing some lovin’(read SEX) here. So, ok wrong, easy, whatever. We’re adults, we know the deal. All good. Who needs that whole R-word (relationship) anyway? Now, I know that, you all now know that, but he’s feeling the panic right now. And sorry, but oh do I find it funny. Usually it’s me in the whole awkward, crap what do I do, situations. Kind of amusing to me to see someone else squirm for a change. The man has no idea who or what he is dealing with here. And he keeps coming back for more, not like I’m asking for it.
And before ya’ll start thinking I’m a slut, I don’t sleep around, I don’t sleep with just anyone. He’s a cousin of a friend, I know his past history, he’s a sweetie and blah blah blah. The perfect no-strings-attached sex partner. As long as he doesn’t develop those feelings things, we’re all good.
Oh anyway, so I finally kick his butt out of bed near noon and inform him sneaking out then would be perfect because sis and family are gone for the time being. They at least have no idea he was still there this morning…thinking they might have had a hunch though. So, he wanders upstairs and has to pass through the living room with 3 kids sitting there, all look up and say hi and he just freezes in panic, fear, shock. It was all I could do not to laugh. Especially since one of them had wandered downstairs while waking him up and saw him sitting in bed half dressed. Some things are priceless. I can’t wait to see how he deals with this one. Think he may have just got enough will-power not to call me again for at least two weeks, instead of his usual one week. Who knows though, he’s fond of the word “wow.” Should be interesting how this develops.
Oh, my next update should be all about the adventures of Chromegirl and THGM and KissingNeighbor…stayed tuned for the latest episode.
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| The story as it stands now |
| 02.04.04 (3:31 pm) [edit] |
Ok, here’s the story as it stands so far. With the names changed to protect the innocent…although I’m pretty sure none of us in the story are innocent anymore. LOL
ChromeGirl is hooked on ThinksHesGayMan, has a married neighbor who asked to be “kissing neighbors” since she won’t give it up to him. So KissingNeighbor is a new addition and ThinksHesGayMan doesn’t know yet. Can’t wait to hear his oh so gay reaction. By the way, I (HaHaHaChick) don’t think Mr. THGM is really gay, just terrified of woman. Will THGM be jealous of the male attention and want some of that action or will he be jealous because someone’s moving in on his girl even though he doesn’t acknowledge he treats her likes she’s his girl?
Oh, so my part of the story. I am hooked on ChromeGirl’s relations….Thing1 and Thing2. I met T1 first and wow…let me say that again…wow. Single full time dad, great job, sexy as can be and sweet too. Does it get any better? Oh, did I mention he’s terrified of relationships too? Which actually works for me because I have a few of those commitment issues myself. So, we email, flirt all that. Then we’re all supposed to go out, ChromeGirl, me T1 and T2. Well T1 can’t make it so we all go out anyway without him. And enter T2. Single, fun, laid back, sexy and hmmm there. So things heat up with T2 and me. Can we say oops? Now I can never go out with T1…the fact they are related thing…and T2 is commitment shy as well but showing signs of being hooked on me. Big no no there. T2 is great and all but I am so hooked on T1. Oops, oops, oops is about all I can say there. And each of those oops was an incident with me and T2 if ya get my drift there. I guess my only consolation is that damn was it good.
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| Never Date a Man Who: |
| 02.04.04 (3:27 pm) [edit] |
My top ten list of signs a guy is undatable:
10. The obvious one...if he is married
9. Gives you a gift and tells you that he originally bought it for his ex
8. Says you are like a sister to him, then calls you hotcakes
7. Goes into detail on pipe bomb making techniques and adds he'd be happy to show you how
6. If his mom tells you point blank you are crazy for liking her son
5. Can't remember exactly how many times he's been married
4. Explains to you that he'll be sleeping with his ex because she wants another child
3. You find him having an in depth discussion...with himself or his dog or a picture or any other nonhuman object...and he tells you how enlightened he feels now
2. Points out his home away from home and you are fairly sure he pointed out the psych ward at the local hospital
1. Thinks he's fallen in love with another guy
And yes these have all actually happened, if not to me than to someone I know. Don't let it happen to you.
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