Well, a kid-free night here. So, what do I do? Finish homework, study for a test and get mad because all the coffee places near me close at 9 and I wanted coffee. I'm tired, sick of studying and homework this week and have a coffee pool in my tummy from too much instant cappuccino.

I considered going to a bar tonight, but it just really was not what I wanted to do. Really not me anymore. Haven't drank more than 3 beers in the past month. Don't really like being around drunk people. And thinking that bars are not good places to make quality friends. I guess I'm finally completely past that phase of my life.

Damn, I still itch everywhere from flea bites. I had an exterminator come this week so hopefully they all go away really really soon. It has definitely gotten better but I'm still really paranoid about the lil evil critters. And have still gotten a couple bites since the exterminator. But a couple is better than the couple hundred I had gotten. I'm starting to feel like their might be a light at the end of the flea tunnel.

The whole flea circus has ended my good outlook on my budget too. It’s back to the same old terrible looking budget it always has been. And will stay that way until next semester’s student loans. Hopefully next semester I’ll be able to hang on to the money longer. Just so many damn expenses this fall.

Ok, I really have nothing important to write so I might as well get some sleep and wake up early tomorrow and do more work. Fun, fun.

Well, instead of doing something productive, I’m blogging. I’ve had a flea infestation in my house. It’s been a nightmare. Literally, I so hate fleas. I can’t sleep knowing they are around. I’ve treated the damn cat, sprayed the carpet and bombed the house. Still, there are some persistent little bugs that just will not go away. I’m supposed to be patient the vet says, could take a couple weeks. Oh no, I don’t think so. Bugs are creepy, cannot just live with them until the finally all die. I have to be able to do something. Tonight, I’m waiting for my comforter to dry from washing it yet again, along with my sheets. I’ve sprinkled baby powder everywhere (heard they hate that). And I am considering bombing again. It’s just so frustrating. I’ve done everything they said to do and still fleas. Can’t they just die already?

I’ve got so much work in school this week. A debate, a 2-3 page paper with references, two other assignment in that class, and two assignments to prepare for a difficult exam makes for a long week. Oddly, the exam itself won’t be that difficult, it’ll be figuring out the UNIX server crap that’ll be hard. One week to memorize UNIX commands so I can do C++ programming on it. Peachy. On top of all that, the fleas, the household chores, the budget, and a kid birthday next Monday, not too mention getting them ready for a trip to their granny’s house and them having no school on Friday. I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed this week. I really think if it weren’t for the fleas, I’d be fine, but I swear every other thought of mine is flea-related. Why it is getting to me so much, I just don’t know.

Besides recently, things are going really well. My current personal improvement project (excluding organization in my life which is an ongoing project) is to ask my neighbor out. Not on a date, but as neighbors and friends. But he’s male and I’m female and I don’t want to give the wrong impression but would like to hang out with him. So, I’m not sure how to go about it. I’m so socially inept sometimes…it’s sad.

I have about 30 more minutes until my dryer and comforter are done so I can go to sleep. I do believe it’s time to invest in a second really warm comforter. Although, I have another one, it’s in the dryer too. It was sitting out during the bug bomb and chemicals on blankies don’t make for good sleep.

I talked to chromegirl tonight. We’ve gotten back in touch recently. Boy does she have her plate full. I so wish there was some way to help her out. I guess the best I can do is be there when she needs me. We’ve always tended to lose touch and then get back in touch. It’s good to talk to her again. She’s going through such a rough time and I think she feels like she’s being a burden or a pain talking to me about it, but though our friendship even when we don’t always see eye to eye, she’s like a sister to me. I’d do anything to be able to keep her from getting hurt.

Sigh, guess I’m out of things to write, will have to find something else to do. Just missing some old friends right now and feeling a bit on the nostalgic side. Maybe I’ll dream tonight and they’ll be there.

There is so much that’s occurred to me recently that I want to write about and now it’s the same old dilemma of where to begin? I so need to blog more often so that I don’t have so much to write at once.

School is going great. I really love being back and feel so confident still on how I’m going to do and how I am doing now. The kids are doing well in their school too. We’ve really gotten into some good habits this year concerning homework and other after school activities. I’m just so much more organized this year.

Emotionally, I feel stronger and healthier than I have been possibly ever. I’ve been stable and happy for quite a while now. That’s always been very unusual for me. The norms were always stabilizing then panic over something and lose just about any and all progress I had made. This is the tough time of year though. Holidays can be stressful. The kids’ birthdays are around this time, as is mine and that makes for a strained budget and lots of planning for birthday parties and such. Luckily, this year I am doing better financially (love student loans….hope I graduate and get a job this time). I feel like I have a shot at getting through the holidays without too much strain on the budget. I’m going to Florida for Thanksgiving and possibly Christmas too. I’m looking forward to that. It’s different and should be a good time.

I think the largest stressor in my life right now is that some people have unrealistic expectations of me. That goes back to the fact that I do not want a relationship. Further than that this person who has these expectations of me is someone I would not be in a relationship with even if I wanted one. I can only state my thoughts and feelings on the matter, not force them to accept that. They are determined to believe that there is more to my feelings than I state, what can you say to that? I don’t enjoy hurting people and am tired of having to in this case in particular. If he loved me like he says he does (constantly and annoyingly) he wouldn’t put that pressure on me to conform to what he thinks is right for me. He shows such a lack of respect for my feelings and my stance on the situation. It’s almost like it’s a constant battle for me to enforce my position. Luckily, I think that will change easily enough soon. I’m ready to expand my social life and am doing so. That alone I think will make it sink in that we’re not in any type of relationship. He’s not always good at handling any attention I pay to others, as much as he tries. Maybe it sounds callus, but I don’t really care. I will be myself, what he does with it and how he handles it doesn’t play any role in my decisions concerning my life be it social or otherwise. The only thing I can do is restate my feelings and hope he can deal with things in a healthy manner. If not, as a friend I can try and help but being a part of the problem in that case it most likely will fall to others to help him. Sigh, it’s a depressing topic all in all. I enjoy the friendship we have, but sometimes it seems he relies either too much or not enough. He refuses discussing regular stressors in his life as friends do but takes the stress out on me. Then he finally discusses it and relies on me to reinforce his opinions, decisions, etc. He’s such a co-dependent, which was great when I was one too, but I’m not anymore. I’ve finally broken the co-dependent habit and am forming a normal social life. Well, I think I am anyway, only time will tell for certain.