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| blogged down |
| 06.15.04 (8:42 pm) [edit] |
Oh where to start. I’ve being living in a blog void. All blogged out. Blogged down even. Ok done with those, on to life as I know it…
The Moron, aka kids dad, ex-husband, asshole etc, cancelled last minute on his plans to take the kids for a month. Then rescheduled. It was madness, chaos, frustration incarnate. I can’t even vent about it properly because I’m still in such frustration over it.
I dread the day the kids actually do leave…if they do which knowing him is never certain. I’ve never been kidless for more than a week. What will I do for a whole month. Just tonight, kids sleeping I realized how empty life will be without them around. It’s like a constant awareness of them. I know where they are, what they are doing, who’s eaten, who’s grouchy, who’s sleeping, who woke up late and is going to be trouble come bedtime, who was up late and is going to sleep in or be grouchy waking up early. All those little things that make up life with kids. It can be exhausting, but I took one night off in the past 6 months or so and am fine again. I don’t want to go that long without them. And yes, I know it will be good for all of us in theory. Too dependent or something. I like to think more along the lines of I just love them to pieces and am going to miss them terribly. I give them space, I get mine and we’re fine as is, why must that change. Oh yeah, they have a moron for a dad that I’d regret ever meeting if it weren’t for ending up with them. He doesn’t deserve them, he proves that every day and will probably do more to prove it when he has them. Oh, I know he loves them, but he can’t show it worth a damn. Oh screw it, I’m wasting time venting about an unchangeable frustrating thing.
I’m so stressed and life just seems to be changing accordingly. I just can’t tolerate anything anymore. I blow up at anyone who even slightly annoys me where I used to have some type of patience. I just don’t care who likes it or not. I cannot deal with anymore idiotic people than my ex right now. One moron driving me crazy is plenty for the time being. I’d expect people to understand that but I guess some people won’t. Especially after years of me being in the habit of avoiding my problems by dealing with others, now I take time for my things first. Silly me. Especially after all the years of not doing it, it feels I have more issues than most sometimes. I’ll deal and move on and that is life.
I know, not my most coherent or purposeful blog in the world, but a nice change from nothing.
And useful on a night where sleep is long in coming.
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posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 06.16.04 (7:49 am)
Ugh. I hope it all works out with the kids getting some time to spend with their dad. I imagine that while it might be a little lonely without them, the break might be nice :)
posted by: waterlilychild (reply)
post date: 06.19.04 (11:32 am)
Look at a month off as a good thing! I'm the child in that situation, leaving my parents for a month to take some classes...haven't left yet and they are already worried! I hope it all works out for you, but I'm sure you'll be fine!
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