There is so much that’s occurred to me recently that I want to write about and now it’s the same old dilemma of where to begin? I so need to blog more often so that I don’t have so much to write at once.

School is going great. I really love being back and feel so confident still on how I’m going to do and how I am doing now. The kids are doing well in their school too. We’ve really gotten into some good habits this year concerning homework and other after school activities. I’m just so much more organized this year.

Emotionally, I feel stronger and healthier than I have been possibly ever. I’ve been stable and happy for quite a while now. That’s always been very unusual for me. The norms were always stabilizing then panic over something and lose just about any and all progress I had made. This is the tough time of year though. Holidays can be stressful. The kids’ birthdays are around this time, as is mine and that makes for a strained budget and lots of planning for birthday parties and such. Luckily, this year I am doing better financially (love student loans….hope I graduate and get a job this time). I feel like I have a shot at getting through the holidays without too much strain on the budget. I’m going to Florida for Thanksgiving and possibly Christmas too. I’m looking forward to that. It’s different and should be a good time.

I think the largest stressor in my life right now is that some people have unrealistic expectations of me. That goes back to the fact that I do not want a relationship. Further than that this person who has these expectations of me is someone I would not be in a relationship with even if I wanted one. I can only state my thoughts and feelings on the matter, not force them to accept that. They are determined to believe that there is more to my feelings than I state, what can you say to that? I don’t enjoy hurting people and am tired of having to in this case in particular. If he loved me like he says he does (constantly and annoyingly) he wouldn’t put that pressure on me to conform to what he thinks is right for me. He shows such a lack of respect for my feelings and my stance on the situation. It’s almost like it’s a constant battle for me to enforce my position. Luckily, I think that will change easily enough soon. I’m ready to expand my social life and am doing so. That alone I think will make it sink in that we’re not in any type of relationship. He’s not always good at handling any attention I pay to others, as much as he tries. Maybe it sounds callus, but I don’t really care. I will be myself, what he does with it and how he handles it doesn’t play any role in my decisions concerning my life be it social or otherwise. The only thing I can do is restate my feelings and hope he can deal with things in a healthy manner. If not, as a friend I can try and help but being a part of the problem in that case it most likely will fall to others to help him. Sigh, it’s a depressing topic all in all. I enjoy the friendship we have, but sometimes it seems he relies either too much or not enough. He refuses discussing regular stressors in his life as friends do but takes the stress out on me. Then he finally discusses it and relies on me to reinforce his opinions, decisions, etc. He’s such a co-dependent, which was great when I was one too, but I’m not anymore. I’ve finally broken the co-dependent habit and am forming a normal social life. Well, I think I am anyway, only time will tell for certain.